


Summer Equinox

by pythia



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo - Freeform, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Gen, How to destroy your uncle’s school, I wrote this in a meeting, Jedi Academy AU, Murder, Padawan Ben Solo, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 04:12:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13068879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pythia/pseuds/pythia
Summary: At fifteen, Ben Solo was more comfortable with the society of adults. There were few children that traveled along with Leia Organa and the fledgling New Republic government.  So, Ben learned to listen, take in information and wait until someone spoke to him directly.It earned him a reputation as a solemn child, eerily quiet when compared to his peers. No one had ever bothered to allow Ben to explain that he’d never really had playmates.





	Summer Equinox

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Elwyngirlie](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Elwyngirlie).



> This is for ElwynGirlie, who shared [this excellent post about Kylo Ren/Ben Solo's first time holding hands with a girl](https://sleemo.tumblr.com/post/168701939117/rian-johnson-on-the-evolution-of-the-force-in)
> 
> Here is Ben Solo/Kylo Ren's first time holding hands with a girl.

****

It was both the Summer Equinox and a rare planetary alignment called a “Supermoon” for Naboo’s closest satellite, Rori.  Despite the holiday,  Ben spent the day meditating in silence with Uncle Luke and the eleven other Padawans that had come to train.

Deep in the Lake Country, there would be no sign of the lavish celebrations planned in Theed to mark such an auspicious moment. There were few celebrations for the Jedi, and it seemed that equinoxes held no special place for the ancient Jedi. 

After completing their afternoon meditation, Luke made an exciting announcement to his students - all of them younger than Ben, roughly between the ages of eight and fifteen.  Luke would allow his Padawans to stay up late, watching Rori rise to its apex. There would even be a bonfire. For adolescents living in monastic austerity, it was a truly special occasion. 

A quiet excitement filled the air around their tiny village as twilight descended. Only Ben remained apart from the other students as they cheerfully gathered firewood and cushions to place around the fire ring. 

At fifteen, Ben Solo was more comfortable with the society of adults. There were few children that traveled along with Leia Organa and the fledgling New Republic government.  So, Ben learned to listen, take in information and wait until someone spoke to him directly. 

It earned him a reputation as a solemn child, eerily quiet when compared to his peers. No one had ever bothered to allow Ben to explain that he’d never really had playmates.  

Other children were a mystery to him, and he a mystery to them. Ben had begun his training with the force as a young child, after an unfortunate incident while he was kidnapped. His skills were far more honed, and his connection to the Force the strongest of all the Padawans. This meant that Ben spent most of the lessons assisting Uncle Luke, deepening the chasm between him and his peers. 

At night, when the other students would have free time, centered around the older students mentoring younger students, Ben would be sent to study on his own. He would be a solitary figure practicing lightsaber forms by the edge of the lake, experimenting with walking meditation or some other task set by Uncle Luke. 

Tonight Ben would probably keep to the same routine after helping the others set up. The loud chatter of the other students and the smoke from the bonfire irritating his eyes already made his nerves feel on edge. 

Slipping off to the lake, Ben began his walking meditation, a form of meditation facilitated by repetitive movements, much like lightsaber forms. They’d found that Ben was able to calm and center himself more efficiently when moving, successfully burning off the frantic mental energy. Once Uncle Luke had taken Ben as his Padawan, he’d been shocked to discover that his solemn, quiet nephew led an active, cerebral life. Ben was always thinking, trying to make connections, think of new projects, things to research or learn about on the Holonet. His mind was restless and hungry as if a parasite that fed on knowledge had taken up residence in the boy’s brain. 

Such a disposition would have served Ben well if he had been a scholar, allowed to plumb the depths of sentient knowledge at some academy in the inner rim. Instead, Ben was gifted as a Jedi, his passions for history, writing and omnivorous reading habits a distraction from his studies. 

When Ben ran, it was like flying at light speed. The world around him became a blur of colors, and the only thing he focused on was the pounding of his feet against the hard earth. His only ambition was to simply take the next step. Nothing mattered beyond that. 

“Ben! Ben! Ben Solo!”

Ben tripped over his feet, startled by the shouts. Someone had been calling his name, throwing him out of the bubble of focus that he’d constructed for himself.  Looking around wildly, he found Winter, standing just off the path by the lake Ben had been running on.  Winter was the second oldest of Luke’s students, only a few months younger than Ben. She’d been raised on Coruscant, and the novelty of living in Naboo’s Lake Country had never really worn off, even after four years. 

She smiled at Ben or perhaps she smiled at his stumble, waiting for him to come to speak with her. Nervously, Ben walked over, aware of how sweaty and shirtless he was. It was his habit to shuck off his sweaty tunic on the opposite end of the lake, forcing himself to complete his laps to order avoid walking back without it. 

“Hi Winter, what’s going on?” He shifted from foot to foot, struggling to pull his heart rate and breathing back to normal. He heard Uncle Luke telling him to center himself and breathe. It never worked with Ben after running. He was always out of breath and disoriented to have his solitary run over with. 

“I didn’t see you at the bonfire, so I figured you were out here alone,” Winter smiled up at him, her tone friendly, but the unmistakable  _ like alway _ s was apparent in her voice. They’d been together the longest, and Winter never seemed particularly cowed by Ben’s progress as a Padawan or strong connection to the Force. She was the closest that Ben had ever come to having a playmate or friend. Their practices at floating rocks, meditating, and using wooden lightsabers were some of his fondest memories. 

“Yeah, I  wanted to stick to my routine. Everyone talking, the smoke?” Ben pulled a face, knowing that Winter would understand that he was happiest alone. Loneliness was his default, belonging, and warmth was alien to him, even at fifteen.

“No. You’re coming with me,” Winter reached out and took Ben’s hand, lacing their fingers together. Ben was startled and felt his heart rate pick back up as if had started running again. She squeezed his hand, “Come on Ben, you’re going to be one us tonight.”

Ben trailed after Winter, who kept her hand firmly wrapped around his even as they cut across large fields of sweet summer grass and wildflowers in the bright moonlight as Rori rose into the night sky. It was as if she was afraid that Ben would run away, going back to the lake to run lap after lap alone in the moonlight

When they joined the rest of the Padawans, it was only then that Winter dropped his hand, blushing when one of the youngest opened his mouth to comment on their sudden appearance. Shushing the younger child, Winter entered the circle of singing Padawans, leaving Ben alone, a chill creeping along his sweat-dampened skin.

Entering his hut to find a shirt, Ben wondered what there was to blush about. Had he missed something? Perhaps it was just a thing that girls like Winter did. He didn’t know.

Ben spent the rest of the night on the outer edges of the circle. Watching the others sing and clap, letting out happy cheers as Rori moved further into the sky, a light bright enough to read a sheet of flimsy by. 

Eight years later, on another quiet summer night, Winter stood outside the rubble of Ben’s hut. She sobbed, taking deep, wet rattling breaths with each flood of tears.

“Winter? Is that you?” Ben felt tired, he was dirty, bruised and felt as if all of the happiness had been bled out of the universe the moment he woke up find his uncle Luke standing over him, lightsaber in hand.

“Ben? Thank the maker. I thought you were in there, I woke up when I heard the explosion, and made all of the youngling’s go back to their beds. What happened?” Winter’s hair was wild, her normally neat braids, tangled by sleep and frizzy from the humidity.

“Master Luke, he tried to kill me. I woke up, and he was standing over me with his lightsaber,” Ben’s voice shook from the adrenaline and grief.

“That’s impossible, Master Luke would never do that. He would never do anything like that without reason,” Winter’s expression was horrified, the grief and fear melting away. Her voice grew distant as she repeatedly asked Ben questions that quickly became a roaring noise in his ears.

As the roaring in his ears grew more intense, Ben’s eyes filled with a reddish haze, it was the last thing he remembered clearly, the haze of red engulfing Winter. Years later, vague memories would come to him in sleep. He recalled unwrapping Winter’s cold, dead fingers from around the hilt of her newly constructed lightsaber.

It had to be a real memory, as it sat in the bottom of his bureau drawer, only used as a spare practice blade. The canary yellow blade too bright in the darkness of his room. 

Kylo Ren recalled the gentleness of her touch as they wrapped around his hand, lacing their fingers together. Such foolishness. Somewhere, Ben Solo hoped that he had given her the same gentle touch when taking her lightsaber from her grasp.

****  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hi. Sorry. I tried to write something nice, and this happened instead. I'm clearly not right in the head, huh? 
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr](http://pythiaspeaks.tumblr.com).


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